Disneyland Friends

Monday, I went to Disneyland with my brothers, planning on meeting some friends there. I had made it a Facebook event because it is Thanksgiving Break and I wanted to hang out with some friends there. The first person who showed up was a guy from my brother's cast in theater. He brought with him a bunch of his friends, which was cool, until we realized that he hadn't planned on hanging out with us at all. Then my good friend Katie came. That was fun, until she had to leave about an hour and a half later to go see a show with her mom. None of my other friends showed up. That wasn't too big of a deal, I mean, we rode a lot of rides, and had a genuinely good time with it being just us. But it kind of made me sad. Sad to realize that out of the 51 people I had invited (from my original group of friends, theater, and school), only 2 actually came, and out of those only 1 actually wanted to spend time with me there. I understand that there are complications with passes, and school, and etc, but it once again led me to think about my friends (or lack there of) and wonder. What needs to change? Is it me? Is it the people I spend time with? Do I just need new friends? Those questions continue to haunt me on those lonely days. I am grateful for my brothers, but a girl needs more than siblings sometimes. Then there's my friend Matt, who couldn't come due to school, but called me anyway to ask how things were going. That made my day. I need more friends like Matt.

Weekends all alone

It's been a long time since a car has pulled up for me to go hangout with friends. It is no longer the "norm". What is the "norm" now though, is me sitting at home, reading or on Facebook. Now, I've always enjoyed doing both activities, but neither can really replace actual human contact. Friends move on, change, and (what's worse), get new friends. I used to be a part of a group of friends, a group of guys who really did like me for the way I was, quiet, home-schooled, and whatever else. We used to spend all extra time together, something they had been doing for years but had made me a part of their group. Whether we went to Disneyland, the movies, the baseball park, or just to one of their houses it didn't matter. What mattered was the closeness and the good times that we used to have. I still text them, every now and then, and they still don't show any interest in us getting back together and hanging out. I feel like a temporary member, someone who has been replaced by the girlfriend of one of the guys. Now she is the one of the only girls in the group. Now she is the one who spends her time with the guys on weekends and evenings. Now I know the best thing to do in this is to move on, which I am doing, but it is very hard. Very hard because they were my people. Very hard because they were my friends. Very hard because the girl who's replaced me used to be my best friend.